What You Need To Know

• Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is bad.
• Try not to discuss "your day" at the family dinner table.
• You may not install a "car catcher" on the front of the ambulance.
• The more equipment you see on a EMT's belt, the newer they are.
• Examine all chest clutchers first, bleeders next, then the rest of the whiners.
• When dealing with citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was wrong.
• All bleeding stops... eventually.
• You can't cure stupid.
• If it's wet and sticky and not yours -- LEAVE IT ALONE !!!
• "Riding shotgun" does not mean you shoot the tires of non-yielding vehicles.
• If at all possible, avoid any edible item that fire fighters prepare.
• EMS is extended periods of boredom, interrupted by moments of sheer terror.
• Every emergency has three phases: PANIC... FEAR... REMORSE.
• A good tape job will fix almost anything.
• Yuppies involved in accidents complain how bumpy the ambulance ride is.
• It's not a compliment when Policemen say you're crude, crass & cynical.
• The severity of the injury is directly proportional to the weight of the patient.
• Turret mounted machine guns usually work better than lights and sirens.
• Schedule your days off to avoid working during full phases of the Moon.
• There is no such thing as a "textbook case".
• You've come to conclude 90% of all drunks are a waste of protoplasm.
• Never refer to someone in respiratory distress as a "Smurf".
• Automatically multiply by 3 the number of drinks they claim to have had.
• Your social skills will be lacking, if all your anecdotes deal with blood.
• Assume every female between 6 and 106 is pregnant until proven otherwise.
• Get very, very scared when a child is too quiet.
• Don't place bets on the glucose level of an unresponsive patient.
• You cannot institute a surcharge for unruly or surly patients.
• It is not necessary to have a pet name for your cardiac monitor.
• As long as stupidity remains epidemic in the US, you have job security.
• Don't worry about the gunshot wound as much as dealing with the family.